This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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