that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
