There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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