I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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