hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
