If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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