no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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