I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
