Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
