I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
