that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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