i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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