how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
