do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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