If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
