my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
