i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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