I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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