Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
