I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
