apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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