dude i'm inner monologue high
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
