i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am spending my child support on dildos
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm at about main and main street
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
