Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
