Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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