How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
