Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
