i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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