I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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