The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
