When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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