shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
