Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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