so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
