well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize