Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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