i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
