She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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