erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
