At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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