i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't turn off my feet"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
