I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
