so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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