OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
