Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
