What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
