I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
