I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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