Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
