it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
