using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
