I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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