So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
