his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
