You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
