too bad you live with your parents still
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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