I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize