I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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