He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
