dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
