Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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