I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
