I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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