I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
