Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
