I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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