It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
