Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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