my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
