I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
