lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
