well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
