My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
